First, let me clear that this is not just for luxury. My Nokia 3110c is getting old and is having a very hard time to breathe. Whenever I’m composing a message or having a call and a new message comes in, it just automatically restarts itself as if saying to me that he’s weak and could only do things one at a time. Since it’s Christmas season and I believe I deserve a gift, I concluded that I should get a new phone.

So last Wednesday, I went to visit the Chronicle Office (college org) and see for the first time their new office. I also wanted to see Josh because I wanted to see his new phone as what I’ve read on his tweet last week. So after the catching up and exploring his new phone, Josh, I, and the rest of the gang found ourselves at the Cyber Zone of SM manila purchasing my new Nokia e63.

To finally point out the essence of this entry, I got myself a Nokia e63. It’s so awesome I forgot the meaning of regret. It’s like a mobile computer. It can do the things that I do with my laptop. With wi-fi, it’s just so powerful. I’ve already downloaded applications that are useful to me and it just made my mobile experience easier and more fun. This phone ranges from 10, 500 Php to 12, 000 Php. For full specification of this unit, see this.

Hey, I created a formspring account. It lets your friends or haters ask you questions anonymously. So far, I got crappy questions but I answered them will strong conviction and honesty. It can be found at the link section of this blog, just below my profile. Or you can just click here.  Please drop me a line, too! I’d love to hear about you.

Please forgive this poor writing composition. I’ve been awake for more than 12 hours already and just tired from work. See you in my dreams!

Tom: You never wanted to be anybody’s girlfriend and now you’re somebody’s wife.
Summer: That surprised me too.
Tom: I don’t think I’ll ever understand that. I mean it doesn’t make sense.
Summer: It just happened.
Tom: Right. But that, that’s what I don’t understand. What just happened?
Summer: I just, I just woke up one day and i knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What i was never sure of with you.

No, this is not a movie review. For me, to give your assessment about anything with a critical appraisal has an intellectual aim, thus requiring the function of the mind alone. This movie touched my heart in hundred ways that my brain can do nothing but to shut up.

November is National Novel Writing Month. A colleague persuade me to join this. I don’t know what I was thinking but I felt a literary excitement. Yet I can’t say that writing a novel someday is something that I dreamed of because it’s not. I joined this just because I love to write. Heck, writing starts tomorrow and I don’t have anything yet. No plot, characters or whatsoever. I am not sure if I can write a 50, 000 word-fiction. Tomorrow, I’ll just sit in front of Mackie and let my free mind do it’s thing. But I sure hope I’ll do good.

And yeah, if you have any “nice” idea for a plot, don’t hesitate to hit me back. But that would be unoriginal and I’ll probably just ignore your suggestions. So why not join in the fun too?

Me: Bakit?
Him: Hello
Me: Bakit?
Him: Anung bakit?
Me: Bakit mo ko tinatawagan?
Him: Wala. Wala lang magawa.
Me: Ah. Okay. So anong pag uusapan natin?
Him: Kahit ano. Bakit pala parang badtrip ka kanina sa akin?
Me: Saan?
Him: Sa YM
Me: Kanino? (I know I asks stupid questions pero it’s another way para makapang-asar ng tao kaso mukang hindi effective)
Him: Sa akin. Yung sa color ng font ko.
Me: Ah. Nakakaasar naman talaga yung fading black and gray sa font eh. Akala mo ba nakakatuwa?
Him: Eh bakit yung iba, hindi naman naaasar?
Me: Naaasar yung mga yun. Hindi lang nila masabi sa’yo
Him: Eh bakit sa akin, mukang okay naman
Me: Baka mababa yung brightness ng monitor mo. Pano naman kaming mga normal lang ang brightness diba
Him: Ah okay. Sorry. Kumain ka na?
Me: Bakit?
Him: Anong bakit?
Me: Bakit mo tinatanong kung kumain na ako?
Him: Concerned lang
Me: Dadalhan mo ba ako ng pagkain dito?
Him: Bakit parang galit ka na naman?
Me: Kasi ayaw natin tumigil sa pagtatanong ng mga pointless na bagay
Him: Pointless ba yun? Concerned lang ako eh
Me: Pag sinabi ko bang oo, anong mangyayari sa ating dalawa? Kapag ba sinabi kong hindi, dadalhan mo ba ako ng pagkain dito? Ha?
Him: Concerned lang naman ako kaya ako nagtatanong
Me: Kung concerned ka, dalhan mo ko ng pagkain dito. O magpadeliver ka. Gusto ko yung masarap. Hulaan mo kung anong masarap sa akin.
Him: O sige. Sorry na. Hindi na ako magtatanong ulit ng ganun
(mahabang katahimikan)

Me: So ano na?
Him: Hindi na lang ako magsasalita
Me: Kung hindi ka magsasalita, anong gagawin natin dito? Manghihingahan?
Him: Sige, tawag na lang ulit ako mamaya.
Me: Okay, bye.
*Sweet Sucess!

Somebody please tell me.

Why it feels more real when I dream than when I am awake?

How can I know if my senses are lying?

(Animatrix, The Kid’s Story)

So I’m 21, working my ass into being a slave of a corporate network. I live at my parents’ house, shares the bedroom with my sister. Most of the time, I can not decide for myself and during the days that I don’t need to go to work my mind is in a state of a white sheet with nothing to see. So bland and plain. Life is really empty at this time.

There’s no weekend no look forward to. No quality time with a significant other. No significant other. It’s not that I’m working 24/7 but because there’s really nothing else to do. I’m not really the happiest person with my family and I decided that there is a place like home. I can’t spend time with those whom I love because I am getting disappointed as I learn more about them. I think it is best that we won’t grow as tight as we should be. Friends are busy too as they make their way into becoming a servant of the government because they work to pay their taxes just so they would be eligible to whine, but still in the end the freaking government benefits from them. Pretty much the same thing I do everyday.

I feel so alone because I can’t really tell this to people because they won’t understand since I will not be able to explain this to them properly. It’s so empty, I can’t even think of a word to spell out what’s bothering me.

Imagine those yuppies we see on indie films or random commercials. They go to work, drink coffee, get their pay check once in a while, sleep then go back to work again. Some unconsciously became living zombies while some tried to emancipate themselves as they began to become existentialists or if they give up, they lose their dignity as well.

Boredom is so overrated in my life, I can’t think of anything more to describe this emotional emptiness I’m feeling inside. I got so much things on my mind that I can’t concentrate. I have no focus in everything I do. Maybe that gives me a reason why I am not as happy as I ought to be.  I’m becoming less and less patient as the year progresses and perhaps before I knew it, nobody wants to talk to me anymore.

I know that all I need in life is focus or good time management and all that crap but it’s not really easy when you’re in my shoes. I’m so tired and I can’t do whatever I wanted because I fear disappointing others so I just dwell on the disappointment I give myself on a daily basis.

So tomorrow is another day and blah, blah, blah. I wish to say that I’ll get through it again but I’m tired of getting through it only to find nothing at the end. Tomorrow is just another day… just another day.

Nursecissism for 2009 Philippine Blogs Award

There are only three reasons why Nursecissism should win the 2009 Bloggers’ Choice Award (and everything else she’s nominated):

1. She is my bestfriend’s girl.

2. She once sold me a gorgeous eye contacts which I gave to my mom as a gift.

3. She gave me a whole new perspective about the nursing profession.

And the explanation to number three will go like this:

I always thought that nursing students are just after the money that they will earn once they finish their degree. I thought that their only goal in their life is to get their diploma, head to the airport and be a servant in white dress who cleans the fuck off the white men’s ass.

Apparently, that was a bit harsh. But please don’t kill me, not yet.

The reason why I followed Xyla’s blog is not actually my interest in the nursing field but because I was curious in knowing more about her. Heck, she is my bestfriend’s new girl back then! I need to know he’s in good hands. Haha! But almost two years of love, I am certain that he is.

But upon reading her entries I learned that Nursecissism is not your average personal blog with self-centered posts. It is a blog about a nurse’s struggle in real life. Xyla’s blog made me realize that to put my theory about the nursing people in general is unfair. She provided me a proof through her entries that uncovers her unconditional love about the nursing profession. She expresses her deep feelings for her patients, her motivation to learn more, her determination to educate others and her dream to inspire the youth. And yes, I believe she is on the right track to reach success.

One could say that Xyla’s blog is the unofficial voice of the nursing profession in the cyber world. Through her posts, I learned that not all nurses are after the big money the foreign countries is waving in our faces. Some do. But most of them are really after their dreams to serve the people by saving their lives, assisting them in their medical needs and giving them something they might not have – love. I am deeply proud of Xyla’s passionate to serve the needy. Just recently, she and her friends volunteered to help the victims of Ondoy and this is in spite of her hectic schedule and her thesis who truly demands most of her time.

Someone who gave us a whole new perspective about life, who else is more deserving of our vote? Jeremy Xyla de Vera for 2010 elections! Er, I mean Nursecissism for 2009 Bloggers’ Choice Award!

P.S.
I don’t know if I need to do this because my vote is pretty obvious but for formality:

My Vote for the 2009 Bloggers’ Choice Award (National)

I vote for Nursecissism
Bloggers’ Choice Award
2009 Philippine Blog Awards

Buildings took down their billboards to avoid further damage Pepeng might bring

Last Saturday, the whole archipelago was shocked by the devastation brought by Typhoon Ondoy (Typhoon Ketsana). Almost half of the capital submerged as thousands of families watched as their humble abode sunk in the merciless hands of the typhoon. Houses were wrecked, lives were loss, people were traumatized with nothing to eat, nothing to wear and no idea where to go next. As of this writing, every part of the country united as we reach hands in helping our brothers and sisters who became victims of the tragedy.

Still fresh from the horror brought by Ondoy and has not yet recuperated, another storm was reported to cross the Philippine territory. According to the news, Typhoon Pepeng or Parma is a super typhoon. Though it was also classified as type 5 hurricane, it is much stronger than Hurricane Katrina which destroyed parts of the United States. After witnessing the ability of Ondoy, being afraid of what Pepeng could do is our initial reaction. It is actually good to see people around preparing for the arrival of the typhoon. Grocery stores were very busy as everyone did a panic buying to make sure that their families got enough food and necessities if ever the worst would come. Billboards were took down to avoid other accidents. Everyone is tuned in to the tube for the latest news. Internet has been a very useful tool for people like me who surfs the web most of the time.

It was said that the landfall will took place on Saturday (October 3) but 9pm today will also be a critical hour and everyone is advised to go home early. Pepeng’s wind and rain will be stronger than Milenyo with gustiness of up to 150 kph. Let’s all hold hands and face this bitch. God is with us.

Angono, Rizal, PH ( (Photo: AFP-Getty via the Telegraph)

I was not in Manila when this happened. I thought my brother was just fooling around when he told my mom about the news through phone call. Our house was not one of those who was wrecked because of the storm and my family was okay but one look at the videos and photos scattered all over the internet broke my heart into a thousand pieces.

I cant help but think about the homeless children and the old people who doesn’t have the strength just to fight the powerful wind. I thought about those who have no where to go and the missing children. I thought about their normal lives which turned into chaos in the span of twelve hours. I thought about the lost lives and their families who have no idea what will happen to them after this. I am just so sad that I can’t even start to tell how I feel to anybody.

I wished all the Filipinos could see beyond this. i wished they would realize now that people with value are out there, in need of their time and attention instead of wasting it all playing Farmtown or Mafia Wars. I hope the kids out there will become aware that updating their facebook status with selfish “I want Mcdo” will not contribute to help our brothers who are desperately in need. I wished the politicians would wear a noble face and will stop using this crisis for their own good. i wished the students will comprehend that there is nothing to celebrate if classes were suspended for a week. Lives were lost. Dreams vanished. And some don’t know how to start again.

I am thankful that we are bombarded with charity works. One don’t need to ask how he can help.  I am just grateful that I am part of the Filipino community who never let go at this time of trials. God will bless us all.

As all newbies were, I stepped on this world half-naked and with bare foot with nothing to protect me. I was so weak and at the moment, I realized I was not prepared. I didn’t know how to behave because I was so used in surviving every day by my own rules and own style – pretty much the school girl that I’ve always been. I always think that people should adjust for me. I didn’t know how to act professionally and I thought to myself that I was the most nerve-wrecking fifth wheel at any day,

There are times that I do believe it, though – that I am not really smart and I can not be trusted. I am so irresponsible because people can’t expect a good outcome out of me. I miss my school days, where I was always needed by everyone because they thought I could always make my way out of everything.

My way of thinking altered not because I was hit by a truck and saw bright lights where a pretty fairy spoke me words of wisdom. My thoughts change course just because I grew tired of hating myself. To conclude that I am no-good doesn’t make me feel better, especially when I know deep inside myself that I am not. I figured out that no matter what people might think of me, I should love myself because love starts in our very own heart. We can not give what we do not have. And because I am learning to embrace the “Gervic” in me, I began to think of myself as someone who is intelligent, witty, trustworthy and responsible. In the process, I learned to believe in all these.

Here’s the thing why I tend to hate myself before – I do not appear nice. I am brutally frank at all times and my honesty can kill you very slowly. My slightest expression could send a negative meaning at the other end. The way I talk isn’t really nice but it’s just the way I am. I do not mean to be a bitch or sarcastic, it’s just an inevitable aura that was destined to be attached to my personality. I can not change myself because I’ve been like this for the past twenty-one years. I hate myself because I was afraid of letting the people around me know my true colors. I was new and I don’t want them to think that I am rude. That’s why I seldom talk and believe me, everyday I could almost throw up just by portraying a sweet, nice and harmless girl.

Just a couple of months, I started segregating useful opinions from not and things that are worth worrying from those that are not really a big deal. When I was starting, I was so consumed of thinking what people might think of me, as if everyone’s opinion matters while I forget mine. Today, I promised myself to walk down the street and let people have their freedom of voicing whatever comes into their mind while I enjoy my liberation of doing what I like. Freedom in this country is a right but to enjoy it without outside forces is a privilege,

Tomorrow, I going out with a friend after work. I am going to celebrate because I am growing up. I am not the best in town but at least I am confident to say that I am coping up. Cheers!